The Journey of Self Discovery
Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make straight your paths.
Proverbs 3: 5-6
Who would have ever thought that a season in the wilderness, would provide a great revelation of self-discovery? I’ve never experienced a wilderness season quite like the one that I just endured. Between the self-doubt, second guessing God’s visions, enduring spiritual attacks and warfare, isolation, solitude, and confinement… I never imagined discovering some of the best parts of who I am, and who’s I am. One of the things that stood out during what felt like a Job season, was even when I felt that God had forgotten about me, he showed up at the exact perfect time. The scripture from 1 Peter 5:7 says, “Casting all your anxieties on him, because he cares for you.” While this may be easier said than done, the wilderness required one of the highest levels of faith in our Heaven Father. Every single burden, I had to take it to him and leave it at his feet. I had to take my frustrations, my anger, my sorrows, my concerns, and every other negative thought to him. And God turned it around for my good. Even when I couldn’t see what God was doing behind the scenes. Romans 8:28 says, “And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose.” During my times of doubt and uncertainty, sometimes the only prayer I could find myself saying is “God, I trust you”. It’s a short and sweet prayer for days when we don’t have an understanding of why we’re enduring such intense adversity. Yet even faith the size of a mustard seed can move any mountain, challenge, or obstacle that we may face (paraphrased from Matthew 17:20-21).
One of the biggest parts of my self-discovery, was self-care. In January while I knew I would be on hiatus for the month, I had to restructure what self-care looked like. I consistently started working out 4-5 days a week at 4:00AM. While that wakeup call is tough, God reminded me of the wife in Proverbs 31:15 “She gets up while it is still night.” The Holy Spirit reminded me of this because in order to take care of my household and family, I also have to take care of me and my body, because it is a temple. Self-care also looks like devotional time with the Lord. While the rest of the world is sound asleep, I get to quietly talk to our Heavenly Father. These moments with God, take care of my spirit and my soul. It is in this sacred place where I feel the most loved. One of the last forms of self-care, is praise and worship. I’m not a singer however, there are three instances where I feel compelled to sing. One of those instances, is my morning worship time where I sing to God. Sometimes, I’m singing from a place of gratitude, and other times, I’m singing so that I can feel the presence of the Holy Spirit. We all have many different ways that we experience self-care (my nails and eyebrows are standard), but it’s a small way that we get to honor ourselves. God wants us to be our best and to perform at optimal levels in all capacities. Life can be busy, hectic, and overwhelming; but our self-care still needs to be a priority so that we can steward all of God’s plans for our lives and our futures.
The scripture that was chosen to lead this blog post, is one that I recite quite often. When we step aside and allow God to lead, we can receive everything that God has in store for us. He is all knowing and is omnipresent, so trusting in him, especially during times of difficulty is essential to our faith walk(s). Allowing God to order our steps (paraphrased from Psalm 119:133), is how he makes our paths straight. So, in the words of Bobby Brown “Every little step I take, you will be there. Every little step I make, we’ll be together.” God wants us to consult with him on every single detail of our lives, because in John 14:6 Jesus says, “I am the way and the truth and the life.” I pray that any ladies that are needing reassurance during a time of uncertainty, to lean in and trust that God’s light will always and forevermore cast out the darkness. His burden is easy, and his yoke is light. Self-discovery for me personally, has led me into a deeper understanding of God’s character. For some of us, the time has come for us to embrace and embark on fulfilling our purpose on this earth (hint hint kairos time). I pray that we know and that we always remember that even as time goes on, and we evolve, that our self -discovery is an ongoing everyday process. May God reveal the best parts of himself to you, and may he reveal the most beautiful parts of who you all are through him because he calls each of us by name.
Always with love,
Love Esther